A Grandparents' Guide
For Family Nurturing & Safety
Making it Work
(T. Berry Brazelton)
Even with all the advantages of an extended family, the course of those relationships doesn't always run smooth. Parents and
grandparents are bound to disagree over child-rearing choices. The trick is in knowing how to cool the friction
before the fire
gets out of hand.
What most young parents need from their own parents is sympathetic support, not advice and criticism. While
it's sometimes
painful to watch your children go through the trial-and-error of parenthood, it's part of their learning curve.
It's best to let them
know you're there for them, that you're willing and eager to listen and that you'd be glad to offer the wisdom
of your own
experience if and when they want it. A regular "date" with them to let your child unload is a sure way of keeping in touch.
Occasionally, our children or grandchildren will do something we feel so strongly about, we'll want to intervene right then and
there. Resist temptation. It only undermines the parents in front of the children and sets up tensions. The time to talk about the
problem is calmly and reasonably and privately. Even if you ultimately disagree, it inspires trust when you accept their parenting
decisions. Remind your children of their own childhood crises and how they handled them.
Grandparents must respect their children as the parents. Grandparents are notorious for overindulging their
young charges, and
parents often worry that this will undercut their own child-rearing efforts. However, Grandma and Grandpa's treats, no matter
how frequent, are just one more sign to children that they are cherished. Grandparents can be tolerant, loving
and supportive,
without having to discipline and instruct the way parents must. They can afford to see all the good things in a
child and ignore the
bad. That's a wonderful mirror into which a child can look.
Children always know that their parents' insistence on proper nutrition and a sensible bedtime is good and
loving in the most
profound sense. So when it comes to major issues, grandparents should always abide by the limits set by the parents to avoid
confusion and bad feeling on all sides.
One of the great gifts we have is our ability to influence young children. Removed from the power struggles
of the immediate
family a grandparent isn't likely to meet with as much resistance as a parent would in suggesting a child do some homework or
set the table. It is one way grandparents help parents by reinforcing the values that parents want to instill.
(Ann Brown)
had to learn how to take good care of them. I will never forget the time when my baby daughter Laura was about
to swallow
something that looked to her like a piece of cherry candy. It wasn't candy. It was a bright-red glue pellet from a craft set. That is
how I learned the importance of baby-proofing our home.
Then my grown-up daughter had the fun of reminding me of those lessons when my own grandchildren were little and she
brought them to visit me. She went around my house to be sure I had put all the peanuts and candies up high-and
locked away
the pills-and put safety plugs on the electrical outlets.
Where babies are concerned, we can all use good advice. But as a grandparent, I try hard not to give it unless I'm asked. It's
much better if I wait until I hear, "Mom, I need advice."
It may be our privilege as grandparents to indulge and maybe even spoil our grandchildren a bit. For example, I may buy more
toys or treats for my grandchildren than I did for my daughters. But you need to be careful, too. A friend of mine, a new
grandmother, proudly showed me the toy she bought for her two-year-old grandson. The age label on the toy was f
or an older
child. Like me, she thought she had the smartest grandchild imaginable, and the toy would challenge him. But those age labels on
toys are often safety recommendations, not measures of skill or ability. By providing appropriate playthings, you can spoil your
grandchildren and keep them safe at the same time.
We're there with the power of example. Try not to force your beliefs. Rather, in a loving and con-versational way, set a good
example. For instance, my grandchildren see me in my job giving back to society. They've got the idea that's a
good thing from
watching what I do and how much I care about child safety. They've become safety ambassadors, very interested in safety for
themselves and for their friends. It's your very presence that affects them. You're a grandparent figure. If you're informal, loving,
your family to the community and society at large.
Continue with The Grandparents' Guide:
Article by U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Legal Stuff You Should Know
|
