Talking to Children About Their Strengths and Weaknesses
 By Schwab Foundation for Learning
"I must be stupid"
"I was born to lose"
"No matter what I do, I disappoint my parents"
These statements accompany the pathetic sighs of children who misunderstand themselves. They are students with
differences in learning that are causing them to underachieve and lose motivation. They have little or no
understanding of why and how they are having to contend with the humiliation of failure in school. The thoughts
such students harbor about their own minds are more pessimistic than they need to be. They may not admit to
"feeling dumb," but they frequently conceal within themselves such beliefs. These gloomy sentiments commonly
lead to a deteriorating attitude toward school, defiant behavior, depression, and plummeting self-esteem. The cycle
must be broken. Demystification is a process that can be used to prevent or treat children's dangerous
self-misunderstandings.
Demystification educates children about their own strengths and weaknesses. It helps them to see the relationship
between their areas of weak function and problems they are having in school. Demystification sessions are
conducted by a clinician or an educator. It is helpful if the parents are present, so that they can continue to
reinforce the same terminology
and point of view with the child at home. The following are some salient points about the crucial process of
demystification, which can help children to help themselves overcome school problems:
Begin by helping a child understand his strengths. This should never be conveyed through false praise (the
ultimate put-down). Instead children need to be made aware of all the things they do very well.
Provide children with specific vocabulary for their problems (e.g., "You have what we call a word finding
problem that makes it hard for you to answer questions in class"). It is hard for an individual to work on improving
something if she doesn't know what to call it!
Number the weak areas for the child (e.g., "There are four things that you need to work on making stronger...").
This way, the child doesn't come to feel totally defective or mentally retarded (a very common fear or fantasy);
instead he has four areas that need improvement in order to do better in school.
Use analogies or visual diagrams to illustrate areas of function that need work. For example, we have developed
The Concentration Cockpit (published by
Educators Publishing Company, Cambridge, Massachusetts) to help children understand their attentional
difficulties.
Create optimism by revealing the possibilities for great success as an adult given the strengths that the child now
displays.
Preserve accountability. A student should not come
away feeling that she can "cop out" of work or responsibility because of a dysfunction. Rather, children must
realize that now that they understand themselves better, they are accountable for working hard to overcome the
effects of their problems.
Vary the demystification process depending on the age of the child. It is possible to demystify a 6 or 7 year old
using examples, analogies, animal stories, and pictures. (e.g., "You know, your mind is just like a television set. But
it has problems with the channel selector--it changes programs too often.") Early adolescents (especially 8th
graders) are often the hardest to work with. They want so desperately to be like everyone else that they hate to
learn of their differences. They require great patience, persistence, and empathy on the part of the demystifier.
High School students thrive on demystification increasingly as they progress through school. They need
ample opportunity to ask questions and offer their own personal insights.
Inform teachers of what a child has been told. It can be seriously confusing to a student if the school has an
interpretation that contradicts what the child and the parents believe.
With a clear understanding of weaknesses and strengths, it is truly remarkable to observe how well a students can
help themselves. It is equally gratifying to observe the restoration of motivation and aspiration that occurs when a
young person is helped to see possibilities for authentic success in life.
The preceding is an excerpt from the Bridges to Reading booklet.
Courtesy of the Schwab Foundation for Learning.
All contents ® and ™ 1997, 1998, 1999 Schwab Foundation for Learning
All Rights Reserved
Any interested person or organization may copy or reprint portions of this article provided such copy may not be sold or otherwise used for commercial purposes and any such copy must contain the above stated copyright notice.
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