By Bruce H.
Axelrod, M.D.
When your
child needs help, don't forget to tend to your own emotional needs as well. Facing
up to these problems tends to bring out some negative feelings on the part of
parents. For example, there's a tendency to deny the problem, at least at first,
and that can delay getting help. Parents may begin to doubt their ability, or
blame their spouse. There may be feelings of shame and embarrassment. We may not
want to tell grandparents or other relatives.
In addition,
you may feel angry if your concerns were ignored by your pediatrician, doctor
or by relatives and friends. You may also feel some anger toward your child. You
may feel betrayed, and have a sense of loss for the "perfect child" you thought
you had. There are issues of public humiliation, the fear that others will think
you're not a good parent. Often there's a tendency to compensate for that by blaming
the school. There are financial worries. There may be a fear that your child will
"turn out just like crazy Uncle Joe."
The best
way to deal with these feelings is by acknowledging that they exist, recognizing
where they come from, and talking about them - with your spouse, with close friends
or relatives, or with your own therapist.
From the book
"The Joy of Parenting"
By Bruce H. Axelrod, M.D.
From the National School Safety Center-- Checklist of characteristics of youth
who have caused school-associated violent deaths
USA's
National School Safety Center has compiled a checklist derived from tracking school-associated
violent deaths in the United Sates from July 1992 to the present. After studying
common characteristics of youngsters who have caused such deaths, the center has
identified the following behaviors which could indicate a youth's potential for
harming himself or others.
- Has a history of tantrums
and uncontrollable angry outbursts.
- Characteristically resorts
to name calling, cursing or abusive language.
- Habitually makes violent
threats when angry.
- Has previously brought
a weapon to school.
- Has a background of serious
disciplinary problems at school and in the community.
- Has a background of drug,
alcohol or other substance abuse or dependency.
- Is on the fringe of his/her
peer group with few or no close friends.
- Is preoccupied with weapons,
explosives or other incendiary devices.
- Has previously been truant,
suspended or expelled from school.
- Displays cruelty to animals.
- Has little or no supervision
and support from parents or a caring adult.
- Has witnessed or been
a victim of abuse or neglect in the home.
- Has been bullied and/or
bullies or intimidates peers or younger children.
- Tends to blame others
for difficulties and problems s/he causes her/himself.
- Consistently prefers TV
shows, movies or music expressing violent themes and acts.
- Prefers reading materials
dealing with violent themes, rituals and abuse.
- Reflects anger, frustration
and the dark side of life in school essays or writing projects.
- Is involved with a gang
or an antisocial group on the fringe of peer acceptance.
- Is often depressed and/or
has significant mood swings.
- Has threatened or attempted
suicide.
Used with
permission from the National School Safety Center
